Fixing my relationship to love

I think I once again believe that love does conquer all. Hurray!

I know. I know! Rants about what is love, how do we love, can I even love? The topic feels redundant, but I think there’s a reason I’m so hyper-fixated on it. There must be, right?

My mother always tells me I know how to go where the love is, I’m like a hound dog sniffing up and down for golden treasure. I know it’s here somewhere, buried deep down in the ground. Maybe I have to dig for it, or maybe I should cut my losses to seek out the easier gold to find.

I finished reading All About Love: New Visions by bell hooks earlier this month, and while I had some criticisms that I highlighted in my review on Instagram, overall the book made me think about love in ways that I hadn’t concretely pondered before. And since then, I’ve been mulling over my discernment of when to fight for a severed relationship and when to know if it’s time to raise my white flag on a grim and doomed connection.

This decision depends on the context of course, and I realize that the amount of love and energy we have to give to others will look differently day-to-day based our capacity, but what’s the balance between toughing through a rough patch in hopes for better days and letting things go before it gets worse? When do we wade through the passing storms and when do we realize we need to turn back before the enlarging waves capsize our boat?

It’s a tendency of mine to want to box everything up real tight and slap a sturdy label on it, designating what I would and wouldn’t do for love and community, but that’s just not how it works. Love spills out the seams, not wanting to be constrained so that it can overflow and be abundant. It has an exceptional hatred of being suffocated, it knows no boundaries and at times contradicts all logical thinking. Some days, community is the only thing that will fill up your cup, and love is the only helping hand to pick you up and get you back on your feet after you’ve fallen.

And that’s not to say that we have to endure difficult or toxic love and flaky